mother |ˈməðər|noun1 a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth.• a person who provides the care and affection normally associatedwith a female parent : my adoptive mother.• a female animal in relation to its offspring : [as adj. ] a motherpenguin.• archaic (esp. as a form of address) an elderly woman.
Seems simple enough, right. I know that biologically I am a mother. But emotionally, spiritually, intellectually...I am not so sure I have achieved the status.
I just finished reading a book called Extremely Loud, and Incredibly Close. Though it isn't a book about a parenting model, it did have some thought provoking ideas about life and parenting. In the book, a man keeps a catalog of people that he deems biographically significant; however, he defines everyone he puts inside with just one word. And that got me to thinking... If I boil myself down to my most concentrated part, what one word would I use to define me?
These past three months have really been an intense time of altering my definition of myself. Before now, I saw myself as many different things, wearing many different hats, some vastly more important to me than others. Here is a brief study of my previous definition.
*Woman- easy right?*Christian-slightly less physically obvious, but I hope observable.*Daughter, Wife- familial in nature, one biological the other chosen (the best choice I have made for myself)
Okay, right in here is where the crux of the definition turns into how I see my personality.
*Nerd- something I have known for some time now, a vigorous curiosity about everything in the world and heavens around me, an intellectual state of mind fed by a voracious love of learning and reading.*Teacher- something I both love and in my opinion excel at, something I have had a passion for since I was 6, something I feel called to do as my explicit purpose from God.*Singer- something I dabble in, something that I do daily and immensely enjoy, something that others have complimented me on, but that I typically dismiss as a hobby not a talent.*Writer- something that you are witnessing as I type, something I do to keep my crazy in check, mostly perspective/opinion based; however, I have written a good deal of poetry, something that I do for me and rarely share in the hopes of others praise, a selfish hobby if you will.
Ok so on top of all of that, now I need to add mother. But how do I define being a mom? Do I let it replace one of the above listed. Does it completely encompass/overwhelm the others?
I spoke with a close friend today about this very thing, and after a nap, which usually puts things in perspective for me... I have decided the following. Prepare to be enlightened beyond your wildest dreams. (perhaps that is a bit over indulgent)
I have decided to redefine mother using my definition of myself. And I encourage every mother out there to do the same. Here is my definition of mother:
mother |ˈməðər|nounA woman who through her faith, family ties, and choices will teach her child/ren the beauty of learning, singing, writing, and living life fully, creatively, and simply. A person who uses her time, energy, and arms to bring joy, instill values, and care for her offspring.
That is what I will be as a mother. I don't have to leave ANY of me behind to be one. I choose not to look with regret at the choices I have made. I will instead use them to redefine mother. To make being a mother not a change in myself, but being a mother a more intensified version of myself. To make being a mother the concentrated version of myself.
So, if I you will humor me, I will sum up myself in one word.
Jessica Cooper- mother!
The exclamation point is for added emphasis. I think it helps construe the positively life changing aspect of this sudden revelation, don't you?
Twinformation:The girls are growing. They are both around 10lbs. We are working on holding our heads up off the carpet. I have moved to almost exclusively nursing, which I enjoy because it allows time with both of the girls individually. Their personalities are so different and we get a larger window into them everyday. :) Updates will follow, should you be curious. :)
January 30, 2012
January 02, 2012
Where have the last 2 months gone???
Wow. Just wow. I will begin this update with some comical realizations of motherhood. Feel free to empathize or sympathize at will.
1. People tell you that you'll be tired. Tired like you never were before. And no amount of telling will prepare your baby addled brain for the level of exhaustion that comes from a 24 hour schedule.
I feel as if the last two months have been one long day since sleeping is a series of naps, and I am now awake during the night several times.
And I have no room for complaining!! My babies are sleeping well! They have recently moved up to sleeping 5 (glorious) hours in the middle of the night. My subconscious has kicked into gear again, and I am dreaming, weird strange dreams, but at least I am reaching deep sleep!
2. People tell you that breast fed babies' poop doesn't REALLY stink. That is smells sweet. This is of course a fabrication of some other mother's baby addled brain. It is poop. It stinks. No matter how cute your baby coos at you while you change their diaper... sometimes, the smell of what we Coopers have defined as old macaroni and cheese, makes you gag. End of story.
3. People will tell you the joys of breast feeding. They will tell you about the lasting connection you will feel and the bond that will grow between you and your baby. They will tell you about the nutritional benefits. They will leave out, however, that you will begin to feel like a baby food factory, the proverbial milk cow. (I have much more pity for milk cows as of late, except I keep thinking maybe I could get ahold of that pump they use to cut the time in half at least!!)
Oh, they also leave out that your body, or at least parts of it, no longer belong to you. They become public property and are also simultaneously on display in public due to the necessity of feeding your child/children. I think this is compounded in twins since well... I have to get both the girls out to feed the girls. I was never much for exposing myself in public... How about you?
On that note, we are pumping and feeding the girls. Much less stress, still nutritional, and the added bonus... Josh can help feed! :)
4. People will tell you that your life will be completely different. That you will not be able to do things that you used to do prior to your sweet bundle of joy.
This of course is the understatement of the century. You can never in your wildest dreams begin to imagine the planning, packing, and time it takes to simply go to a friend's house, or run a few errands. The sheer volume of stuff is enough to make anyone take pause because YOU as the "adult" must be prepared for every eventuality occurring not just once but multiple times in one trip.
I have this one times two. I must have enough diapers, clothes, blankets, bibs, food, medicine etc. just in case each baby decided to spit up, poop out, get sick multiple times all over themselves...
5. And I would like to add my own personal admonition. If you on the off chance do not like laundry, or a cluttered living environment. DO NOT have children until you are willing to sacrifice your home to mounds of both.
However, I have to tell you that no one, NO ONE will prepare you for the following:
My girls are the light of my life. The absolute privilege of being a part of creation, the making of the future, is overwhelming. Hearing them coo and laugh, watching them grow and change simply between naps is amazing.
I have never felt more loved, complete, and purposeful in all my life. I have never known with more clarity than I do now how much God loves us, as His children.
I truly appreciate everything my parents have done for me, and see many more of their decisions and sacrifices as wholly for my benefit. I see my past with such an aching transparency. I see that my life has been building towards this time, preparing me for the hardship of raising these two miracles.
But nothing and no one prepared me for how much I would love my daughters. Their sweet faces and plump bodies, their growing personalities, the hope of their future, the absolute perfection of holding them in my arms, the way they make me laugh and cry daily all blindsided me completely.
There was also no knowing how close to Josh this would bring me. That in these two, we are physically one. Motherhood is more romantic than I had ever imagined.
Motherhood is absolutely, positively glorious.
Twinformation:
Both girls weigh 9lbs 6 oz. They are eating up to 4 oz a feeding. They are sleeping up to 5 hours at night. They are both holding their heads up, and carefully watching the world around them. They love their baths. They are both cooing and smiling like crazy.
In short, they are perfect. :)
1. People tell you that you'll be tired. Tired like you never were before. And no amount of telling will prepare your baby addled brain for the level of exhaustion that comes from a 24 hour schedule.
I feel as if the last two months have been one long day since sleeping is a series of naps, and I am now awake during the night several times.
And I have no room for complaining!! My babies are sleeping well! They have recently moved up to sleeping 5 (glorious) hours in the middle of the night. My subconscious has kicked into gear again, and I am dreaming, weird strange dreams, but at least I am reaching deep sleep!
2. People tell you that breast fed babies' poop doesn't REALLY stink. That is smells sweet. This is of course a fabrication of some other mother's baby addled brain. It is poop. It stinks. No matter how cute your baby coos at you while you change their diaper... sometimes, the smell of what we Coopers have defined as old macaroni and cheese, makes you gag. End of story.
3. People will tell you the joys of breast feeding. They will tell you about the lasting connection you will feel and the bond that will grow between you and your baby. They will tell you about the nutritional benefits. They will leave out, however, that you will begin to feel like a baby food factory, the proverbial milk cow. (I have much more pity for milk cows as of late, except I keep thinking maybe I could get ahold of that pump they use to cut the time in half at least!!)
Oh, they also leave out that your body, or at least parts of it, no longer belong to you. They become public property and are also simultaneously on display in public due to the necessity of feeding your child/children. I think this is compounded in twins since well... I have to get both the girls out to feed the girls. I was never much for exposing myself in public... How about you?
On that note, we are pumping and feeding the girls. Much less stress, still nutritional, and the added bonus... Josh can help feed! :)
4. People will tell you that your life will be completely different. That you will not be able to do things that you used to do prior to your sweet bundle of joy.
This of course is the understatement of the century. You can never in your wildest dreams begin to imagine the planning, packing, and time it takes to simply go to a friend's house, or run a few errands. The sheer volume of stuff is enough to make anyone take pause because YOU as the "adult" must be prepared for every eventuality occurring not just once but multiple times in one trip.
I have this one times two. I must have enough diapers, clothes, blankets, bibs, food, medicine etc. just in case each baby decided to spit up, poop out, get sick multiple times all over themselves...
5. And I would like to add my own personal admonition. If you on the off chance do not like laundry, or a cluttered living environment. DO NOT have children until you are willing to sacrifice your home to mounds of both.
However, I have to tell you that no one, NO ONE will prepare you for the following:
My girls are the light of my life. The absolute privilege of being a part of creation, the making of the future, is overwhelming. Hearing them coo and laugh, watching them grow and change simply between naps is amazing.
I have never felt more loved, complete, and purposeful in all my life. I have never known with more clarity than I do now how much God loves us, as His children.
I truly appreciate everything my parents have done for me, and see many more of their decisions and sacrifices as wholly for my benefit. I see my past with such an aching transparency. I see that my life has been building towards this time, preparing me for the hardship of raising these two miracles.
But nothing and no one prepared me for how much I would love my daughters. Their sweet faces and plump bodies, their growing personalities, the hope of their future, the absolute perfection of holding them in my arms, the way they make me laugh and cry daily all blindsided me completely.
There was also no knowing how close to Josh this would bring me. That in these two, we are physically one. Motherhood is more romantic than I had ever imagined.
Motherhood is absolutely, positively glorious.
Twinformation:
Both girls weigh 9lbs 6 oz. They are eating up to 4 oz a feeding. They are sleeping up to 5 hours at night. They are both holding their heads up, and carefully watching the world around them. They love their baths. They are both cooing and smiling like crazy.
In short, they are perfect. :)
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