Advice on well-- Advice...

This post is going to be part commentary on motherhood and then part pity party. I will be sure to label so you may skip over (or skip to) the pity parade.

Commentary-
In my last post, I talked about competitive motherhood and how I view it as destructive. Well I found another soap box and it begins in the Webster's dictionary and with a question. Are you an encourager or a commiserator for fellow mothers?

To encourage literally means:
encourage |enˈkərij; -ˈkə-rij|verb [ trans. ]give support, confidence, or hope to (someone) : we were encouraged by the success of this venture | • give support and advice to (someone) so that they will do or continue to do something : [ trans. ] pupils are encouraged to be creative.• help or stimulate (an activity, state, or view) to develop : the intention is to encourage new writing talent.
An encouraging comrade in motherhood lifts up her fellow mother, drives her towards good habits, offers sound advice, supports her, offers her hope. She might say, "When I went through that with my child, I tried (insert meaningful advice). I also read this book or article to help me deal with it. Don't feel bad about not knowing everything, no one does!" Etc, etc.
To commiserate means:commiserate |kəˈmizəˌrāt|verb [ intrans. ]express or feel sympathy or pity; sympathize : she went over to commiserate with Rose on her unfortunate circumstances.• [ trans. ] archaic feel, show, or express pity for (someone) : she did not exult in her rival's fall, but, on the contrary, commiserated her.
On a side note: here are the defintions for sympathy and pity...sympathy |ˈsimpəθē|noun ( pl. -thies)1 feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune : they had greatsympathy for the flood victims.
pity |ˈpitē|noun ( pl. pities)1 the feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering andmisfortunes of others : her voice was full of pity.


Someone who commiserates with you feels bad for you, but there is no forward motion, no lifting up. For example, another mother might say, "That is so terrible!  Awful, awful, awful. I hated that stage. Oh my little Johnny was just as bad. He would (insert inappropriate behavior) in public all the time. He grew out of it -- eventually."

-or-
I get this a bunch because I have twins. People, absolute strangers even, will say, "Better you than me, I just don't see how you can function with two of them, or just wait till their (this person's least favorite age of child), then it's going to be chaos at your house." The funny thing (not really funny) is you don't realize how many times I hear those words a week. And instead of feeling your sympathy for my situation... it begins to chip away at my self confidence as a parent. How many times can you hear someone say that things are only going to get worse or be hard before you resign yourself to NOT enjoying your job as a mom... Think about it. These are not helpful words. It feels similar to someone seeing you fall in a giant hole and saying, "Wow, that is a biiiig hole, sucks to be you."

 I have found that when someone commiserates with me, I end up feeling worse. But let me know your thoughts...


PITY PARTY WARNING:
We are sleep training our girls. They are 8 months and not sleeping through the night. Everything I've read tells me I am ruining their future lives if I let them cry it out, or I am spoiling them by helping them. I have chosen a middle ground, going in comforting them, but not picking them up... It is soooo hard to know they are tired, but won't sleep. And the crying!!!! It breaks my heart. :( Any advice on how you got your kiddies to sleep through the night would be most appreciated. :) (No gloating if it was uber easy, just kidding feel blessed!)

Twinforamtion:
The girls are teething, crawling, eating solids, cruising, trying to walk and getting into everything that isn't spirited away from them or tied down. My days are filled with chasing, cuddling, hair pulling, zerberting, and every one of them is an adventure.